Language is social and part of being social is getting things from others. If we leave aside the times when one compels others to hand things over by threat, force or fraud there is still a wild diversity of experiences of consenting to hand something over. Something might be handed over cheerfully and immediately, grudgingly and after much wrangling, or even joyfully after much wrangling. It’s worth focusing on just the first and the last, since both can be institutionalized into what might be called two very different economies of consent.
The familiar American service-with-a-smile is one version of consent or disapproval given cheerfully and immediately. One does’t haggle at McDonald’s. The agreement of what you get is described in clear and exhaustive detail and carried out in an impersonal manner. Nothing would be essentially different in the interaction if the whole process were mechanized. What would one lose in the McDonald’s experience if the store were a vending machine that we spoke our order to? Paradoxically, when consent or disapproval to what we want is clear, unambiguous and cheerful it can also be mechanical, which is the same as saying that consent plays no role in the process. If all there is to getting things is a price and a rote-process, why involve persons at all?
To the extent that we want our action of getting something to be personal and social we need a second economy of consent: haggling. Haggling, however, allows for a range of outcomes that are more or less consensual, allowing for everything from a great mutual enjoyment to exploitation. So actual consent or interpersonal interaction is something relatively more murky. In the absence of institutions and folkways setting some parameters of discourse (e.g. in some parts of the American South it’s understood you always refuse the first offer of something you want.) we can expect systematic confusions of what is acceptable and what isn’t, or what is permissibly (and perhaps even laudably) aggressive and what is degrading harassment. Whatever one does there will be clear cases of harassment too, but I’m leaving those aside for the moment and focusing on how we will systematically muddle persistence and rudeness, the virile and the predatory, etc.