Who says America isn’t a

Who says America isn’t a Race?

I eat in my car. I can recognize Billy Graham on sight. I don’t burn down the capitol when an election doesn’t go my way. I think handguns are cool (even if I wanted to ban them). I don’t take international governments seriously (even if I like them). I’ve heard about the rapture. If I were on a sinking ship with agnostics, atheists, Methodists, and Catholics, we would still circle up and form a protestant prayer circle and take a vote about who got the liferaft. I don’t grovel to the president, and if he wants to come in my house, he better ask me first. Someone in my family is a lawyer, or will be. I know someone on the Atkins diet. I don’t hit women to keep them in line. All the single women I know make more money than I do. I drink, or have drunk, really shoddy beer- that I can buy after sundown. I don’t speak a foreign language- or if I do, not very well. I shoot my guns at targets, not up in the air. If I want to blow someone up, I use a bomb with a timer, not one strapped to my body. I watch football. I’m never worried that there will be a “European Dr. J” playing on a basketball team. I don’t watch “Baywatch”. I’ve said “my rights are being violated” at least once before I was ten years old. I’m morally scrupulous about alcohol. I hate the guy who drives on the shoulder of the road to get past a line of cars, or who drives to the front, and expects to get let in. I can drive without killing people. I curse with profanity, not blasphemy. I don’t laugh at cross-dressing humor. I’m taller than the immigrants I know. My last name doesn’t mean anything. I’ve been in therapy, or I know someone who has (or whom I think needs it). I go to school for 21 years, and don’t learn much of substance past the third grade. I’ve driven in a car for more than five hours more times than I can remember. I know the following organizations, AAA, NASA, MADD, UCLA, IRS. and a hundred more. I know where the nearest mall is. I can’t tell the difference between most Europeans. I’ve seen several movies about Jesus.

And I refer to myself as “half Irish” or “a quarter Mexican” or “Full blooded German” or “Swedish and German” or “part Indian” or Italian and Scotch”….etc.


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